it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
