Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
