We're facebook friends in real life
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
