i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
