I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
