Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just pee around me
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
