Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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