It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
