Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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