listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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