I think my fart just growled at me.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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