I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
