New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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