The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
