he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
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