you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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