I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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