theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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