people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
