Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
