I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
