thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
