just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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