Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
