you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
