She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
