She tied me up with her honor cords...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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