I wish my penis had an off switch
someone get that fucking seahorse.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
