For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
