five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
