Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
