We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
