i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
