I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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