i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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