Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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