I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
