What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
