I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize