I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
there's paper in my vomit.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
