And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
