Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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