Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
