It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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