went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
