I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
