grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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