I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The cops high fived after they tackled you
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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