This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
