I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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