You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
