Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
