tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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