So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
