you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize