Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
