I got chris browned last night
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
