i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
