I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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