There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
