Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
