out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
