And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
