he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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