Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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